Resolutions

Happy New Year to All! 

It's already the last day of the year. Right now in Malaysia, we've got another 58 minutes before we enter a new year. Thus, making us all grow older. Hahahahah 

New Years Eve, who do you spend it with? What do you do? 

Pretty much, I'd usually give the priority to my family, 

Oh Family Guy =)

Then if I had the choice, I'd want to spend it with you. <3 

Last year, I had the BEST New Year's eve celebration EVER. It was a time where I had confessions, new aims and goals, and finally, a new love. 

This year (2011), I've achieved so much I'm very proud of myself. But not proud enough. I need to work harder. And as I reluctantly welcome 2012, I also want to make it one of my best and memorable years I've ever had. 

My resolutions for 2012, will be exposed here and also will be kept in a book where I will look at, and try to achieve as much as a I can. 

2012, I want to: 

~> Not procrastinate

~> Achieve better results

~> Avoid distractions

~> Finish my homework

~> Be a better friend

~> Spend as much time as I can with my friends and family

~> Learn how to Drive

~> Earn my A's

~> Study

Yeap. That's what I want. Haha. Now to get a list printed onto my book. I'm too lazy to re-write it. 

This will be my last chance to enjoy being lazy. Before that clock strikes 12, I will enjoy the remaining time of 2011. 

Dramatic, but it's fun! =) 

Listen

Slow and Steady Wins the Race 

I just felt like blogging.

Decided to try out slowly developing a new skin. It'll take time, but it'll be worth it =) 

I've just realised(via a video) that as a person, we are really spoilt. We often complain, avoid, slack, and most of the time just wish that things would go our way. 

No offence to the readers, I'm in a way scolding myself too. 

We often say out loud our wishes, and desires. And also our vision of our future. We say we want "That". The luxury, the happiness, whatever we want. We say we'll get it one day. Some actually work for it. Sacrificing all the things people would normally give in to. Most of us, give up. 

Take me for instance, 

When I become frustrated, I give up

When I don't get things that way I want, I give up

When People don't get what I'm saying, I give up

When I try to improve and I don't, I give up

I definitely NEVER in my entire life, admitted that I'm a quitter. 

I've always been so stubborn, I've never admitted things that I may be wrong.. not at first anyways.

I've been so selfish, I start to close up to everyone around me.

But you know what? Right here and Right now, I admit. I AM all of the things above. I have always been. And I am not proud of it. 

I want to change my bad habits(I'm pretty sure there's a long list of them). I don't want to be called arrogant, stubborn, selfish and all those nasty things you can think of. I want to improve in everything, 

My Studies, 

My Relationships, 

My Social Life. 

And I will try my best. Even if it means sacrificing my feelings, I will be able to cope. 

Reflect on yourself, Only you can judge. Only you can bring yourself together to be who you WANT to be. 

IN another event...

I don't think that post before this made much sense. o.o But. I do want to change, and well, I guess that was my way of releasing myself. ><

I'm really proud of myself because for once, during the LONG holidays, I repeat, LONG holidays, I've been studying... Reviewing actually. And I have never done that before. I am really grateful that I finally have the motivation to study and of course, next year, I'll probably spend a lot less time on my precious gadgets. I know they'll be waiting for me. 

Tata~ 

Jessica <3

It's good to sacrifice luxury once in a while, 

Because once we achieve what we want, 

We can have all the luxury we want

Without Fail. 

After Finals!

Hey ya'll! I know, it's actually as if I have this blogging problem or something. But the truth is that I'm currently taking a break from my studies and I've been searching the net on how to make money blogging. =)

Seeing as I technically LOVE to blog but don't really have the time, I'm going to make full use of my time now and blog as much as I can before my schedule starts getting hectic again. :D

I've already set up some goals for my holidays and my #AfterFinals and since it's AFTER FINALS, I'm going to work hard to achieve it and make it a productive holiday. =)

Basically, my goals are:

1. To learn how to make money
2. To learn how to cook
3. To reinforce my Form 4 studies
4. To study for fun and not for exams
5. To not stress myself out
6. To work on my stories
7. To blog more
8. To get my blog to have more traffic
9. To learn as much as I can
10. To spend time with my family, friends, and You. =)
11. To get a fit body

Man, that's a lot. But I'm pretty sure I have more. In my opinion, I will work hard to achieve all this because by next year, I want to be able to have the habit of studying consistently as my SPM is next year. And while searching for some tips, I actually came across a quote that I think I should follow myself:

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Yeah, that's it for today. God, please bless me that I can achieve all my goals. =)

Toodles~

Jessica.  

Have a Cuppa~

Ahh coffee~ 

Stuff that keeps us awake 

And make us look like we're having insomnia =)

Hahaha honestly, I don't get why I'm so stressed up. I mean like, I've been thinking about one particular situation and getting so frustrated over it I feel as if I was drunk the next day. 

Actually, it's only been a day. LOL I KNOW. Anyways, I ended up waking up at 12. Which was kinda shocking cause I woke up thinking it was 10am. Hahahaha~ Then I called someone. =P Hahaha I woke up, thinking what happened that made me sleep at 3am. And I realised that, I'm just being stupid. 

If I were to make everyone happy, I should do the right thing in the right way. I will not really neglect every single human in my entire life, cause being alone isn't really fun even if sometimes we prefer it that way. =) Everyone needs at least someone in their lives =) 

I will be there for my friends. I will try to help them. But with caution and I will try to avoid conflicts. And in the process, even if I get hurt, I won't complain, I don't need to tell anyone because I'll feel good that I helped people. I guess, it's just my conscience. 

Since young, I've always wanted the somewhat impossible. I just wanted everyone around me to be happy and live their lives. But as I grew up, I found out that helping people can cause that one person to feel good, but can also simultaneously cause people hurt. 

I know it's inevitable but I will try. Even if the hurts ends up coming to me. I've been dealing with so much hurt in me, I learn to ignore it. For a long period of time anyway. Hahaha Yes, I know I'm sappy. ;) 

My parents tell me to not stress myself so much and not hide it all inside. But it's just how I am. I feel as if my problems aren't as big as those that I help. In the end, I feel as if my problems aren't as important. And I do get hurt easily, maybe that's why I was called a crybaby when I was young. But my parents told me it's good to cry now because I've been keeping everything inside. 

I've kept my feelings because of fear that I'd get rejected from society. I've kept my tears because I fear of being scolded and being called a drama queen. I end up having the logic that my problems aren't big. ;)

I don't want that to happen to people. Not my future family, not my family, not the people out there. I want people to be able to express their feelings in considerable way that they won't hurt anyone else. I want them to confront the person who are hurting them. 

I have been hurt by my friends. But I don't have the courage to speak up for I fear that they'll hate me. I always did. And when the rare times that I speak up, I end up in an argument and in the end, I lose to avoid it being worse. That's why I keep it in. (If my mom sees this, I think she'll watch me super closely. O.O) 

Even when I get hurt by my friends, I don't know why, but I still love them. Even when sometimes, they don't know much about me cause I keep it in, I still love them. Even when they say things are my fault, I still love and care and take the blame. I still love them cause they're my friends. ;) 

OMAIGAWD. I need to stop talking. Hahaha thank goodness no one reads this. Yet. =X 

To those who read this, I am not a sad person. I'm not pitiful. Lol. I'm perfectly fine and I am enjoying life kayy? =) 

Toodles! xD

Jessica.

Ego's.

Haha

Proud of Myself. =P

Finals are OVER! Omaigawsh. I don't even know how to predict my results. I'm so worried in a weird way. I just don't like to see myself with bad marks. Blame my ego. xP

On the other hand, our librarian farewell party was a HUGE success. BY success I mean not have any panic whatsoever or rather, hectic shoutings. Haha, deco was up in two days. Food was handled nicely. Quantity was awesome and crowd support was also AWESOME. Even if I know that I won't have my fellow librarians reading this, I'd just like to express how awesome grateful I am to those who really did their jobs and not cause problems. 

ON THE OTHER HAND, for those who didn't help out and contribute as MUCH as the others, I will make sure you WILL during Nina and my reign over the library. >=D 

Well, good things were happening until a certain part of the night. That probably explains why I ain't sleeping now but blogging. I need some stress relief yo! xD

I'm not going to state any names, or faults as I have never thought of blaming or being mad at someone. I am merely trying to UNDERSTAND people. So just get that in your head before you judge me kay?

It's funny how people can be reminded about something so precious over tiny, little things. Sometimes, it doesn't really give us as much impact but most of the time, when we're having a hard time, it gives us an impact as if there was a nuclear war going on. 

I myself haven't gotten over some things and believe me, in terms of relationships, IT IS NOT EASY AT ALL. Most people CLAIM to be over it, but you will never know for sure. Sometimes, they hide it so well that you think that whatever you say will not possibly affect them in any way. 

I can relate to that. I know how it's like to be reminded of HIM from so many little things. Sometimes, people avoid encountering that part that reminds them of that HIM or HER. I avoid them too. Well, try. I  avoid eating banana cakes, and magic shows, and I barely think about bass players. Because it's all related to HIM. Because when I encounter them, I feel as if I did so many things that caused all the mishap. Even if I don't know what it was. 

But when I do encounter them, I try to enjoy it and hold it in. Leave the memories for when I'm alone. For those who don't have people to relate to, it's Hard. They don't know what to do. Because no matter what they try, it doesn't work. Countless times, they've told themselves, "Don't think. Don't think. Forget it." it doesn't work. 

I know because I've tried. So, to get rid of it all, we put on a mask. In front of everybody. We try to show that we're alright. Hoping we are. But when that little things, signals us about everything else, we know we're not okay. But to hide it all, we go alone. 

Everyone is different. Everyone is uniquely special. Everyone has a different thing to remind them of different things. When it's the first time, it's hard to get over it. It takes more time than usual. When someone passes away, we cry, we grieve but we get over it somehow. "Theory" is that because we know that no matter what we do, they're gone from the world. On the other hand, if it's a relationship, it's harder because we know the person still exists and that little part of us inside just doesn't want to give up. 

Most of us get over it. But that little stubborn part still remains. It's either we manage to learn how to handle it in a shorter time or a longer time. That's all. But it's hard because, humans don't understand humans. Not fully anyway. It's either something hurts or something beneficial. There is always something we don't know and understand. 

Yes, I may be getting hypocritical but I know how it feels like to think that you've gotten over something but the truth is that you're not and you still cry alone in your room thinking. I know how it feels like to get hurt but not tell anyone because it may affect everything else. I know how it feels like to be felt rejected but you may never know. I know... and my goal is that I want to help others get through things they find hard. It may take a long time, but if they have the will and hope to, I will help. =) 

AMAGAT. SO LONG. LOL But it is a stress relief, so yeah. Anyways. I'm going to bed. After I go to Twitter. 8D Nights. 

Jessica.

WHALE!

Whale!! 8D 

Omgosh, I can finally blog with my phone. It's been ages since I managed to blog.

Just had Chemistry tuition. Waiting for my dad to pick me up.

It's exam week(s). It's a full dreaded two weeks. Thankfully we're in the second week now. But we just had our Additional Math paper and believe me. I DIED. Ugh. =\ never felt so much like crying after a paper.

Chemistry's tomorrow. Another paper to dread. Honestly, why is it hard for me to comprehend chemical reactions? I need to work on my logic.

Oh wells, I think my dad's here. I'll be off now. THANK YOU BLOGGER FOR HAVING A VERSION FOR IPHONE! XD

Toodles. (Sad that I can't edit fonts or anything)

You know how much I love your piano playing? That's one thing I never want to be better than you. It's something I think every man should have. Piano or music skills. :)

Lessons

Back to school we go ;)

Heyy guys, sorry about Day 9&10. I was suppose to blog but my wifi seem to have hated my computer during those two days. Probably telling me to finish up my homework. xP

Regarding school, (not that I'm complaining) every wondered why teachers have such bad impressions on you? Moodswings, comments, even sometimes, their words tend to discourage you so much that you just feel like giving up?

Why do they get so mad? Why do they compare? What did we do?

Well, the answer is simple. We didn't meet their expectations. Their impression on us wasn't bad at first, but it slowly developed into that bad way that we just never understood. It's just like us, losing our temper. 

But ever wonder WHAT exactly they expect out of you? Even I don't know. Sometimes, I can get so mad at my teachers for always giving the comparison statement. Yes, we ALL dislike being compared. Some with siblings dislike it even more. But at the end of the day, everyone compares. 

Whenever someone gets mad or upset at me, I try to think, what caused them that way. What did I do to cause it? I try to understand them. Maybe a bad day? Or a tragedy happened? 

And when I actually figure it out, I managed to know, and to avoid it ever so happening again. And understanding them made the bond grow. After a fight, we make up, understand each other and forgive. 

Now here's another question: 

Why is it that so many of us, manage to forgive our family members and friends so easily, but find it so hard to forgive people who are not close to us? Instead, we have bad impressions?

I obviously don't know the exact answer but, to me, it's because we make an effort to understand our friends and family's behaviour and moods but we don't even try to bother about people who aren't close to us.

I am hypocritical because even I sometimes don't try to understand those who I don't want to understand. But as I grow, I learn that it is important, to learn, to forgive, and to understand. That way, we get used to the people around us. We know what they actually go through, and we know why, they act that certain way. 

And it's also easier to move forward. Knowing what sort of people are out there, what they want to see, what they want to hear, it's easy for us to get along. Without neglecting ourselves, we can find people who can be our best friends, soulmates, and even friends who you can count on. 

I TRY to understand people, I TRY to ask. Even when sometimes I don't, doesn't mean I don't want to try. People assume. I assume. You assume. But in truth. It's bad to assume. 

Because it makes an ass out of you(u) and me. 

I know I may be exaggerating, I know I may be saying what I might not do. But I will give an effort. And inside of me, I know this is how I feel. 

Bai. xD

Jessica. 

<3

Love, Love, Love

the things I love to do the most =)

Day 8

Already 8 days, 2 more to 10. Then it's the end of the holidays. For now. I still haven't completed my assignments. Determined to finish it tomorrow. I know I will. Where there's a will there's a way right? Anyways, kinda determined on making a cover too...

I really don't know what to say, you're coming back tomorrow.. Excited but don't know what to expect. Sleep early or wait till late night till you call me.. I don't know really.. I've been thinking so much this few days that right now I don't know what to think at all...

I don't know, sometimes when I think too much, I end up crying myself to sleep. It's funny how much my brain can function at doing these things but never did get to absorb much studies. My mom just told me of a philosophy saying that "once we start something, make sure we finish it, otherwise it's a step to failure." and "be sure to be ready before starting something." 

Which makes me think, am I ready for all that's going to come in the future? Am I willing to take it head on and stay strong to make sure I'll make it? 

The problem is that, we DON'T KNOW what's going to come at us. We DON'T KNOW what fate is going to throw at us. We DON'T KNOW what God has in store for us. 

The moment we KNOW, there's no need for anymore bravery because we will figure out how to avoid it. 

You know what? I'm not gonna blab anymore. Nights. 

Jessica.

<3

Something is wrong and I need to know what. 

1st September 2011, 21:39

Oh yeah, dessert. ;)

Day 7 

Starting to do homework now... bad.. LOL Holidays are ending... but homeworks aren't completely done yet. Still need to take a picture with my mom for my moral project. UGH. Honestly, why do we need so many projects? It's bound to get recycled. -.-

Went swimming again today. Feel better cause I didn't get as tired as I did on Tuesday. Hmm, should make this a weekly thing. Train my stamina. Haha And you don't fall down while swimming. If you do, then you're.. weird. Haha You can hit your head but falling down is probably when you're drowning. Haha

Feels like eating dessert. Pastries actually. Hmm... need more sugar. Kept away from stuff I shouldn't eat for quite a long time already. Controlled my diet during the holidays.. Rashes are rarely appearing already. Does this mean I need to do this for the rest of my life? -.- That's torturous. 

Getting fatter. I got heavier. I don't feel good at all. Starting to exercise. Hopefully I can get the fats out of me. Started dancing again. Feels good to move my body. Same goes for swimming. 

Hmm, the day you'll be coming back is getting closer.... HURRY UP LA. LOL xD

Anyways, off to do homework now~ BAIBAI. XD

Jessica. 

<3

No, I am not delusional. I just happened to talk to myself today. :D

31st August 2011, 22:49

I love singing. 

But why don't I have the courage to tell the world?

Day 6

Wow, it's already Wednesday. The days just pass by so fast. Which means I need to start finishing my homework already. Boohoohoo It's okay. I'll do it. I have time. I'll make use of it. Just need to put a mental note to get my mom to pose for my moral project. HAHA 

I don't want to get back to school so fast... Not when I have so much time to go to the club, and chill, and swim. UGH. D= But it IS better than working I guess... heck, I've got so much free time now that I can practice my dance. xD

Miss my dance, Miss swimming, Miss tennis, Miss you, Miss me, Miss my friends, Miss my family, Miss my vacation. HAHAHAHA 

Today was fun actually. Sorry, I'm kinda lazy to upload photos today. Went to Ficelle at 11 to meet up with friends. Got cake-wasted there till 1.30-ish, then became the oh-so-awesome "drunk driver" and went to Kiki's place. Haha since I was the transport of Hwu Ning, I had to go to her place and in the end, dragging Yeh Yang and Brandon along! HAHAHAHA Stayed there till 3.45. There were like, 3 corners in the house. The emo corner, the classical corner and the computer corner. 2 people at each corner. 

It was funny actually. xD Hwu Ning came over to wait for her mom. Had an enjoyable day actually. xD Looking forward to swimming tomorrow with Candace. 8) Till then peeps~ xD

Jessica. 

<3

Few. More. Days. 

30th August 2011, 21:45

Greetings =)

Day 5

Heeheehee~ half way there. xD Not waiting for holidays to finish though. Don't wanna finish work. x.x Haha but going to eventually. Anyways, Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Independence Day to everyone in Malaysia. xD Before anything else, let's just take a moment to appreciate our forefathers' sufferings and efforts to make Malaysia to what it is today..

*******************************************************************************

OKAY. Now, day 5. I'm dead tired. LOL Went out, walked, swam, ate, and prepared for tuition tomorrow. Ugh. Then I've still got my moral project and addmaths and maths? @.@ OH AND MY ACCOUNTS. D= 

I'll survive. Going out again tomorrow for lunch to spend time with my awesome friends. xD I'm gonna get CAKE-WASTED!! XD Got a dinner tomorrow too. xD Hope I can find the time to swim tomorrow. IWANNAKEEPFIT. 8D 

Oh oh oh, Don't worry, I missed you. IF YOU MISS ME. TEEHEE. But managed to keep my mind off it. Ain't I just oh so awesome? Suddenly, I feel like studying. But at the same time, I feel like laying on my bed and dozing off to sleep. Like I said, DEAD.TIRED. 

Sis still ain't back yet. She gonna be in troublee~~ LOL Well, honestly I wouldn't wanna stay out that late either. -,- Don't know what she's up to nowadays. xD 

Anyways, WILL TAKE LOADS OF PICTURES TOMORROW WHILE GETTING CAKE-WASTED. Hopefully. xD Till then~~~ 

oh btw, shoe hunting failed. AGAIN. aihs, gonna wait till I get to go out with momma agaain. T3T

Nyways, TATA. xD

Jessica. 

<3

Dei, come online boleh tak?? xD

29th August 2011, 22:17

Oh glorious food <3

Day 4

Hahaha wow today passed by fast. Was out the whole day. Shoe hunting didn't work. Hopefully it will tomorrow. <3 

I really miss you... even if I'm not crying yet but I still miss you... Waiting for you to come online but obviously you're too tired to come online. It's okay. At least you're having fun. So am I. xD Hahahaha wonder what you bought. Must be some awesome stuff. It must be really nice there. Waiting for the pictures. So I can go there. xD *fingers crossed* I just hope that I can chat to you tomorrow. TEEHEE. =)

Anyways, the next part of the post will be dedicated to my close friend who's loved one has recently passed. I know it's hard for you and I'm pretty sure you won't read this anyways but I just want to let you know that your friends will always be here for you no matter what. Your loved one will always be watching you from above and he's already in a happy place so stay strong. Be strong that he won't be sad from wherever he is and so that he can happily watch over you and your family. Remember, we are always here if you need someone to go to. God Bless You and Your Family. <3

Haha, anyways phew today was really tiring. Went to the dentist. Did the x-ray.. next appointments are extractions.. NOT FUN. ESPECIALLY when you have phobia for needles. Ugh. Feels dizzy thinking about it. I only hope its all going to be worth it. =/ Then went shoe hunting. But to no avail. aihsss... then came home, and played ping pong. Thought of cleaning my bike but had no time. Then went out for dinner with family and roamed around town. Always loved doing that, seeing all the lights especially with your family. =) and finally, I'm here. HAHA

Going out tomorrow to Sunway. Hope I can find shoes there. >.< Oh wells, I'm exhausted. Nighties. <3

Jessica.

<3

I really miss you... 

28th August 2011, 21:53

My New Pencil Case 8)

Day 3

Haha~ Survived. It's a good thing. Not breaking down yet. xD Shows that I trust you. =PPP hahaha

Nyways, today, tennis was cancelled. Since it rained a little. So visited my great-grandma and when we reached there, we found out that my great-grandma and her roommate had a fight. Haha long story. xD After that my great-grandma was actually like... alert.

Cause she was mentioning about sis and bro's colour tone. She was like "Ah Yuk more darker than Ah Fai hor? Ah Yuk follow her dad la" Hahahahaha I was about to laugh when I saw sis's face. Then she went on to telling my dad about her swollen foot. 

According to my mom, it's water retention. But surprisingly, my great-grandma can still talk right, eat right, see right(one eye working), walk right and her hair is still a little partially DARK GREY. And she's 95 this year. LOL Awesome great-grandma. So lucky to have her. =) 

Then as we were about to leave, she commented on bro's muscles and my FAT. D= I was like.... NOOOOOOOOOO~ Hahahahaha 

After the visit, we just came home and stoned. Haha Like seriously. We stoned. xD 

Anyways, I miss you, You miss me, I'm fine. xD Waiting for you to appear on fb. But don't think that's happening anytime soon. Oh wells, shall sleep early tonight. <3 

BAIBAI. 

Jessica. 

<3

27th August 2011, 23:18

Teehee =)

Day 2

Wow, it's weird how my phone doesn't vibrate in the morning. Not used to it. Hahaha after a whole day, I managed to distract myself. Haha Got some new books, new pencil case, new glue. 

Honestly, I kept checking my email to see if there was any mail. Was waiting. To see your status appear online anywhere. Guess it's just a reflex now. =) It's great that you're having fun there. Good stress relief. 

Haha with my holiday week, I'm going to finish my homework(s), spend time with my friends and family, and catch up on my rest that I've missed. 

I really miss you already. Not to the extent of wanting to cry but I miss my phone vibrating having someone to talk to. =P Not that my friends are worthless, they mean a lot to me but at the same time I want your name there. >~<

I want to hear your voice... but I can't... it's okay I'll survive. =) Lately, I have this terrible little icky feeling in me, jealousy maybe?? Damn, need to get rid of that fast then. Hahaha

It's already 11.30pm and I need to sleep so... toodles people~ xDDD

Jessica.

<3

I'm thinking a lot. Can't stop thinking. All my doubts, questions. I need you now. 

26th August 2011, 22:49

So near yet so far...

Day 1

Holidays are starting! Just for one week anyways. Better than nothing. xD Haha Decided to have like... A daily post. xD 

He's already on his way. To Japan. Hahas. In a way, I think I miss him already.. But, I just don't feel like saying it. Haha thank goodness barely anyone reads this. I hope. xD Haha Like I said, so near yet so far...

On the bright side, we'll both save our money for one week. Haha and coincidentally, my prepaid expired today! Great timing no? ;) On the down side, it's a week without communication or rather barely. >< 

At least he'll have fun. And so will I. Even if I'm most probably not going anywhere, I'm gonna use the time to bond with my friends and family and with my studies. <3 Surprisingly, I'm feeling a studious vibe from myself now. o.o But at the same time, my back feels kinda cold...

It's as if the air-conditioner is blowing straight at my back. But the only thing my back is facing is my bookshelf and air. Okay, I'm creeping myself out now. Haha

Wonder what my plans for the holidays are? Hmm.. Time to plan. xD Planning on a surprise for someone. xD Hahaha Not revealing it no matter who asks me. =P Unless you can help me on it but otherwise no. xD Hahaha 

Well, gonna countdown ten days from today. <3 toodles humans. You know I Love You. xD 

Jessica. 

<3

24th August 2011, 22.23

Heyyo. Hahaha it's almost the holidays!!! And wow do time fly. One moment its January and now it's already August. Wow..

Anyways.. Regarding time flying.. I can't believe that it's already been 7 months.. Well going to be anyways. Haha at the start of the year, i was in shock and questioned myself and still am actually. Haha we managednto get this far..

I'm really grateful. Haha of course I can't say that the doubts and questions would stop but hey, at least you got me. =p I'm kidding. Haha I'm really happy we've come this far. ^^

Can't say I'm happy about you not bringing me to Japan though. =\ LOL just kidding. Have fun there kayh? Sure I'll miss you but don't bother much about it and just have fun. Just remember to bring back gifts. =p

Haha wish I can travel. You should be happy you can go overseas. Not mope around. Be excited. XD I know I am. XD for what? I guess just the holidays. XD chilling, finishing up things, dancing, etc. So you should enjoy. XD will be counting down the days you get back! Already had it marked on my calendar. XD

Haha *yawn* well, I better get some sleep. See you tomorrow. Nights.





And Happy 7th Months. =]

20th August 2011, 21:54

It's funny how we're all the same yet so different at times

Heeheehee~ The last minute assessment is over! Seriously, students should get a fair warning before some last minute exam comes up. It ain't a pop quiz. LOL 

Just waiting for the results now. Awesomely I passed ALL my subjects~ I think. o.o hahaha~ It's a good thing. But I'm going to work harder cause I'm not quite satisfied with myself. 

Oh, I attended this personality seminar today which was actually quite interesting. It was about four main personality types which are sanguines, choleric, phlegmatic, and melancholic. HAHAHAHA Like seriously I'm like a melancholic phlegmatic and the descriptions are quite true. Even if people don't really see that cause of the way I behave but I know myself. 

I am blur cause I choose to be not because I am. 

I think a lot because I want to not because it's forced with me. 

I always am how I act because I choose to be that way. 

I always hide because I choose to hide. 

It's not always about fitting in. Maybe it is in a way but it's also I prefer it that way. Be it how much you want to judge me, say things about me, say that I'm arrogant. I'm still me. My point of view is different. I work hard because I have my goals to achieve. I keep to myself because I don't want to get people involved. I listen because I love to help. I help because it makes me feel good. I do things for other people because I want to see them happy. I am happy because people around me are happy. 

I have people whom I love and trust. I have people who cares about me. I have people who know who I really am. I have people who are always there for me. To all these people, I want to do the same. I don't want to cause misunderstandings. I don't want to cause sadness and arguments. 

People who laugh and say that I'm crazy for thinking this way. Go ahead. I love what I'm doing and I'll continue doing it. =) 

(Honestly, there're just tonnes of mixed up feelings in me. I just blurted out whatever that I just wrote. It has nothing to do with any significant human. LOL) 

Well, toodles. xD 

Seriously, I felt hurt when you said you were lucky you didn't go... but I'll let it go... 

Jessica. 

9th August 2011, 20:42

Chapter 2 – The Thoughts (Part 2)

Up until then, another thought hit me. It was about losing my friends. Lately, I’ve been causing a lot of trouble. I don’t know why. It just seems that every word that comes out of my mouth, just brings trouble.

It’s not that I didn’t try to stop it. It’s just that I couldn’t. No matter how hard I try, nothing right comes out. And worst of all, whenever I try to make things better, it just gets worse.

“Maybe it’s time to go away again… for now… sort things out…” I said to myself. But what if it makes things worse? What will happen then?

Up until now, I decided to go with the flow. Indeed I was, but things still seem to be changing. Either it’s me or it’s all of us. At one point, we were all stressed out and frustrated and I thought that after all that, we’d be back together close.

But things still happen. It just wouldn’t stop. I feel as if I’ve been jinxed or something. But of course, when these things do happen, I do wonder, who’s wrong?

I may be wrong, since I’ve been the one causing it. But I did have my point. So who was the winning end? I guess the whole thing could be my fault, since I ended up apologizing. But at the same time, I feel as if, I’m a dummy.

As I was about to dig further into my thoughts, my phone started to ring.

“Urgh… why now??” I quickly tried to fix my hoarse voice since I just finished tearing as I was thinking.

“Hey dear, it’s check-up time~” chimed Alan’s voice. As usual, he’s in his normal, cheery self.

“Hey, I already texted you that I’m fine. Why go through all the trouble? You’re stoning aren’t you?” I replied, hoping he wouldn’t hear my weird voice.

“No, I was still worried. And did you cry?” He asked. Damn, he noticed.

“Um.. maybe?” I said, adding a little laugh like I always do.

“You did. You alright? Want me to come over?” He asked as if I was about to die or something.

“No need. I’m fine~ Seriously~ Was only thinking. Not like I'm self mutilating.” I reassured him.

“Okay… but is it alright if I come over later? I wanna get out of the house.” He asked.

“Sure? You always come here. Honestly, are you like, addicted or something? My house ain’t got no crack you know.” I teased him a little.

“Haha, it’s not your house, it’s You that’s my drug.” He replied. Almost immediately, I kept quiet and blushed.

“Aww, so sweet. Anyways, see you later kay? I wanna wash my face.” I said.

“Okay. See you.” And with that, the call ended.

“Okay, I guess I’ll think again later. I wouldn’t wanna end up crying again.” I said to myself and hurried into the bathroom. 

__________________________________________________________________________________

Hahahahaha yeah.... that's the story. Exam's coming. Clueless about what to do. Things are happening. It's taking time to sink in. Yeah. =/ maybe I'm just that bad. 

Oh wells, I'll figure this out somehow. Till then. 

Jessica. 

I wonder why all these happen at times... 

Can't we all just leave in peace?

I know it's impossible...

1st August 2011, 23:16

Gave up uploading a picture. :/

And honestly, its either me or its a fact that i think its pointless for me to express to anyone anymore. I'll most probably sound like i'm some attention seeking girl. Psh. Whatever.

Mind's kinda made up for now. Expressing myself now is kinda pointless. Period.




#nowplaying I'm not okay-MCR


Jessica.

31st July 2011, 18:04

Found it in my old collection of phone pictures. Who knew nokia phones were THAT good? =P But then again, nokia's rock! xD

Weather's been pretty rainy lately. Kinda cooling at times, sometimes it's TOO cold. Brrrr~ And most of the times, it's the PERFECT weather to sleep in and not wake up. Sadly, that only happens on school days. D=

A cloudy day is like.. one of the best weathers you could ever ask for. Don't you agree? It's the perfect weather to think, bond and get your head sorted out. Until it starts raining of course. Or when the sun comes out. Not so perfect moment anymore. =/

Cloudy days to me are like, times where it shows how much of a blur my mind is. About what's going on, what people are saying, it's as if I don't know what's what anymore. Or rather, my mom says I'm deliberately being such a blur head. I don't know myself. =)

It's sad that it's already August. So close to the end of the year yet, it feels as if yesterday was just New Year's. But at this season, a lot of festivities happen. Lots of things are happening. Changes at places where you least expect and when you start to think about it, you realise that all these things are happening at the chain process.

I'm not saying that everything is a chain reaction, but I'm saying that because of our actions and decisions, those little changes happen. Even when we don't realise it, we change ourself. Better or worse it's still change. Some people will deny that they've changed, but sooner or later, they will realise.

And here comes the saying of "You are who you are". When you've changed, does that make you 'You' anymore? Or throughout the whole process of change, you're becoming someone you're not? Who knows?



Ohmaigawsh~ that just blurted out like nobody's business. x.x For some reason, I wanna see people reading my posts. It's just not that popular. Dayum. Should work on it. ><


Oh well.

Jessica.

25th July 2011, 15:48

It's finally the day. Half a year. =) I never once thought it'd happen. Hahahahas. Those who read my blog. Er... don't continue reading if you're already scratching your head. =)

To that person(you know who you are):

Thank you for always being there for me,
Thank you for giving me gifts. =P
Thank you for controlling my diet (I appreciate it),
Thank you for coming here and reading my blog (LOLS),
Thank you for listening to my crap,
Thank you for being there when I cry,
Thank you for enduring all the pain I put you through,
Thank you for whatever you've been doing,
Thank you for everything you've done (so far). xD

Hahahahaha~ yeah~ hope you'll always be happy and never have any regrets. =3

Sooooo, back to today~
It's a special day. BUT I didn't celebrate it.. YET. Instead, I went shopping. Shocking yes. LOL Jac and I were looking for some dresses for IU Day, which eventually didn't go so well. D=

We found some really pretty dresses, but of course that was BEFORE we saw the price tags. We closed our mouths and moved on. (Still wishing I could have those dresses) We came home... with... 1901 and NO DRESS or any other piece of clothing... aihs...

AND AND AND, guess what? Most of the pretty dresses we found were from Robinsons... obviously the prices there are waaaaaay out a mere teenagers budget. =/ But they were so pretty... AND I EVEN FOUND A NICE DRESS whose brand is called.. JESSICA. SAD LA. D'=

Still trying to find something for IU... hope I can find it soon...

Gonna do some homework now... it's a sad case that there's school tomorrow... D=





Oh, Happy half a year Anniversary. =D

Oh wells,

Jessica. <3

24th July 2011, 20:45

I just felt like blogging. xD Okay okay, Yes, I'm bored. Hahas

Mum put me on a vege diet... not a good thing. =.= Having limited freedom on what to eat is torturous. Don't get me wrong. I did not go into this willingly. Omnomnomnomnom

Anyways, had sports day and a wedding dinner yesterday. Sports day was kinda interesting, since it didn't rain until I said so. =P Nyehehehehe~ I'm an oracle. xD Satria won. Which is Green House, which is the House where I was recently moved to. My former House, Jaguh aka Blue got last. Sad ain't it?

If only the teachers did not reshuffle the students, how Blue might have won. xD Hahahaha. St John Ambulance won third. Which is a good thing. Maybe cause I was in it this time. =P *perasan moment* hahaha

And Finally, everything's over! I think. Now I can at least focus more in my studies and not worry about many other things... Oh damn. Just remembered.. have to plan the installation for the library board. -.- Ugh. Okay, AFTER that then it's my relax time. Just gotta bear with it. C'mon Jessica, you can do it! xD

Now that I think about it, isn't blogging like... talking to yourself?? Honestly, what's the real purpose of a blog?? o.o Hurm.. actually, I'm thinking of having a blog that actually has a reason. Not like it being some kind of diary, but like a review place or a place people can refer to and enjoy reading.

Doesn't have to be my thoughts, maybe reviews, opinions, news... I don't know.. Anyone have any suggestions? Wait, no one really reads this. -.- Oh wells, I'll just ask around. 8D

BACK TO THE REAL THING. *ahem*

Overall, Sports Day was kinda awesome actually. Not exactly hot since I didn't have any sweat getting into my eye, but not exactly wet either. Guess it was an almost perfect cloudy day. =)

Then I attended my aunty Jacqueline's wedding dinner. No, not my sister. Hahas. They didn't know that the kids were coming and in the end, my siblings and I were like, separated from our parents and were seated at the back of the banquet hall. o.o Oh wells, it's over. The food was... okay... some things slightly overcooked/undercooked/too salty etc. other's were kind of fine.

As usual, they had a "yam seng" moment. And all I gotta say is "My grandpa pwns ALL". HAHAS. But seriously. He can do that for like... a long time. The last time we timed it was about 1 minute or so. WITHOUT STOPPING FOR BREATHS! Go grandpa. =)

Left the dinner early. Didn't really wanna stay that long since there wasn't much to watch sitting at the back. Followed aunts to fetch Princeton from UCSI. But overall, it was an awesome day. xD

Counting down: 3 hours 15 minutes more

Love you peeps,

Jessica.

19th July 2011, 21:52

Sometimes, I don't know why, I just feel so lost... Maybe it's me, but I just feel that way. Maybe it's because of today.

I just don't know what to think anymore.

Is it time for me to go away again? And come back when I've sorted out my thoughts?

Seriously... this is frustrating...

18th July 2011, 21:40

Heyy ya'll. Got a short update cause someone asked me to. LOL =P anyways. it's the continuation of Paranoia since I haven't posted half of the next chapter. =X ARGH HOMEWORK. D=

Paranoia

Chapter 2 – The Thoughts (Part 1)

I got into my house and just lay right on the sofa. Then, as usual I started to think and recall what my problem was.

In the end, I just concluded that I was thinking too much. But at the same time, I can’t help that feeling of being so afraid to lose everything.

No matter how hard I tried, I kept having the feeling that I need to do something, intervene or something just so people wouldn’t dislike me. At that moment, I thought about the one thing I would dread of losing. Him.

His face, his cheerful and warming smile, appeared in my head in an instant click. Yes, I have to admit, sometimes, I do think it would be better to just break off with him. But no matter how much I think, he would always get me away from that decision.

He gave me comfort, he gave me an instant smile, and the moment where he starts to think, I start to worry. Yet, I can still think of giving him up.

“I can’t keep this up. I think I’m going to have to leave him.” My mind thought these exact words everytime. But at the same time, tears would start to roll down my cheeks.

My family is important to me, my friends are important to me, my studies are important to me. But at the same time, he’s also important to me.

Sometimes, I’ll be so blinded by all the feelings around me. The uncomfortable feeling people have around us, the awkwardness, I tend to tell him to keep our distance.

I never once thought that I might be hurting him.

Then I realized, how easy it would be just to lose him. All this time, he kept putting up with all my crazy decisions yet he still cared and smiled everytime he sees me. He always forgives me for all the things I do that hurts him.

He keeps giving me words like “it’s going to be okay” , “don’t think too much, it’ll get better” , “I’m always here for you kay? Just tell me what’s wrong.” And continues to try and get me to smile again.

“Why have I not realized how much he’d sacrificed?” I thought to myself. And started to break down.

And then, I texted him,

“Heyy, I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused you. I just want you to know that I’m okay and I love you. Thank you for everything.”

(p/s: it’s not complete yet. Had to rush for homework. xD Will update soon. <3)

17th July 2011, 21:38

PARANOIA

Chapter 1 – The Worry

I switched on my iPod as I walked towards the shops. My iPod was on shuffle, so technically you can’t really figure out what song’s gonna come next. I was crossing the street when the song Count on Me by Bruno Mars played.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a diehard fan of Bruno, I just like some of his songs. One thing about me, I’m not exactly a diehard fan of any particular artist. When I like the song, I just like it.

You can count on me,

Like one, two, three,

I’ll be there,

Cause that’s what friends are suppose to do…

At that moment, a thought hit my mind.

“My friends… am I doing enough for them? Am I drifting away from them? What if I am?” countless questions flooded my mind ignoring the screams from my heart saying otherwise.

For that moment, I couldn’t think right. I kept thinking whether I was disturbing them, going away from them, misunderstanding them and a lot more you wouldn’t want to know.

Honestly, I started to really really worry. About what I’m doing to them, about what I’m causing to myself. And to cause more worry, I thought about that dream I had.

I thought so much that I almost got ran over by a car! Thankfully, it wasn’t my time to go yet. I was alone at that time so it was okay if I broke down in tears even if it was in public.

It’s not that I want to, I tried really hard to control it, but I managed to let only a few drops escape my eyes. To be honest, I’ve never really thought about these things a lot. I don’t know why I’m thinking about it now.

“What’s really happening… to me? What am I doing? Why do I feel all sad?” I really couldn’t understand my feelings at that moment. All I wanted was for everyone to leave me alone to cry and clear my head.

But that was impossible. People care about me, I can’t just tell them to go away no matter how much I wanted to be left alone. They have the right to care and I can’t just snap at them. Can I?

So to avoid it all, I just kept quiet. Kept it all inside. Put on a smile and hope that I can forget about those thoughts.

It never failed, as usual. Soon after, I was bright and cheerful again. After that I only had happy memories of me and my friends and family filling my mind. Oh, the wonders of nice memories.

I made it into a sandwich shop and ordered a ham and tuna sandwich. Weird, but I like those eating both of them at the same time. Halfway through my sandwich, my phone rang.

It was my boyfriend, Alan.

“Hey dear, you busy?”

“Nope, what’s up?” I tried to sound like I wasn’t chewing down food.

The thing is, Alan thinks that I eat too much. Well, maybe I do but it only happens when I’m bored. No harm done right?

“Nah, just wanted to talk to you. And, are… you… eating?” he said with a suspicious tone.

“Awww, how sweet of you. But you’re just bored aren’t you? And no, I’m not eating. Why would you think that?” I put on an innocent voice hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“Yeah. And you DO know that I can hear you chewing right? For a girl, you don’t really lie very well” he snickered when he said that.

“I’m pretty sure you can’t hear me chew okay? I AM a girl and I have manners when I eat. No matter how much. And you’ve got no proof that I’m eating. Or lying.” I started to smile as I said that.

“Gotcha!” was being said in my mind.

“Nah, you’re lying. I’m right outside the sandwich shop. I can see you.” he laughed and hanged up.

“Damn.” I said to myself.

He came into the sandwich shop and took the rest of the sandwich I was eating right out of my hands.

“Aww come on. Don’t be such a meanie. Give it back.” I said while trying to snatch my sandwich back.

To my demise, he ate it. Right in front of me!

“Hmm, nice combo. Should try this sometime.” He said while chewing my poor sandwich.

“Duh, I’m awesome at creating combo’s. And no one gave you permission for you to eat MY sandwich. It’s my creation and I deserve to finish it. Now you owe me one more.” I told him.

“No I don’t. You eat too much. I’m helping you avoid gaining weight. And you lied to me. So now we’re even.” I stuck his tongue out and started to laugh.

“Fine.” I said with a flat tone in my voice. My good mood has just been sucked out of me.

“Awww, what’s with the bad mood? And why are you alone anyways?” he asked with a change of expression in his face.

“None of your business. And you ate my sandwich anyways.” I said with a gloom in my voice.

“Fine, I’ll just ask some other time. Sorry bout the sandwich and cheer up kay? You can always count on me” he said with that cheerful smile on his face as he patted my head.

He walked me home, just so to make sure I wouldn’t get run over by a car. Again. He told me that he’ll check up on me in the afternoon and kissed me on the cheek and left.