After Finals!

Hey ya'll! I know, it's actually as if I have this blogging problem or something. But the truth is that I'm currently taking a break from my studies and I've been searching the net on how to make money blogging. =)

Seeing as I technically LOVE to blog but don't really have the time, I'm going to make full use of my time now and blog as much as I can before my schedule starts getting hectic again. :D

I've already set up some goals for my holidays and my #AfterFinals and since it's AFTER FINALS, I'm going to work hard to achieve it and make it a productive holiday. =)

Basically, my goals are:

1. To learn how to make money
2. To learn how to cook
3. To reinforce my Form 4 studies
4. To study for fun and not for exams
5. To not stress myself out
6. To work on my stories
7. To blog more
8. To get my blog to have more traffic
9. To learn as much as I can
10. To spend time with my family, friends, and You. =)
11. To get a fit body

Man, that's a lot. But I'm pretty sure I have more. In my opinion, I will work hard to achieve all this because by next year, I want to be able to have the habit of studying consistently as my SPM is next year. And while searching for some tips, I actually came across a quote that I think I should follow myself:

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Yeah, that's it for today. God, please bless me that I can achieve all my goals. =)

Toodles~

Jessica.  

Have a Cuppa~

Ahh coffee~ 

Stuff that keeps us awake 

And make us look like we're having insomnia =)

Hahaha honestly, I don't get why I'm so stressed up. I mean like, I've been thinking about one particular situation and getting so frustrated over it I feel as if I was drunk the next day. 

Actually, it's only been a day. LOL I KNOW. Anyways, I ended up waking up at 12. Which was kinda shocking cause I woke up thinking it was 10am. Hahahaha~ Then I called someone. =P Hahaha I woke up, thinking what happened that made me sleep at 3am. And I realised that, I'm just being stupid. 

If I were to make everyone happy, I should do the right thing in the right way. I will not really neglect every single human in my entire life, cause being alone isn't really fun even if sometimes we prefer it that way. =) Everyone needs at least someone in their lives =) 

I will be there for my friends. I will try to help them. But with caution and I will try to avoid conflicts. And in the process, even if I get hurt, I won't complain, I don't need to tell anyone because I'll feel good that I helped people. I guess, it's just my conscience. 

Since young, I've always wanted the somewhat impossible. I just wanted everyone around me to be happy and live their lives. But as I grew up, I found out that helping people can cause that one person to feel good, but can also simultaneously cause people hurt. 

I know it's inevitable but I will try. Even if the hurts ends up coming to me. I've been dealing with so much hurt in me, I learn to ignore it. For a long period of time anyway. Hahaha Yes, I know I'm sappy. ;) 

My parents tell me to not stress myself so much and not hide it all inside. But it's just how I am. I feel as if my problems aren't as big as those that I help. In the end, I feel as if my problems aren't as important. And I do get hurt easily, maybe that's why I was called a crybaby when I was young. But my parents told me it's good to cry now because I've been keeping everything inside. 

I've kept my feelings because of fear that I'd get rejected from society. I've kept my tears because I fear of being scolded and being called a drama queen. I end up having the logic that my problems aren't big. ;)

I don't want that to happen to people. Not my future family, not my family, not the people out there. I want people to be able to express their feelings in considerable way that they won't hurt anyone else. I want them to confront the person who are hurting them. 

I have been hurt by my friends. But I don't have the courage to speak up for I fear that they'll hate me. I always did. And when the rare times that I speak up, I end up in an argument and in the end, I lose to avoid it being worse. That's why I keep it in. (If my mom sees this, I think she'll watch me super closely. O.O) 

Even when I get hurt by my friends, I don't know why, but I still love them. Even when sometimes, they don't know much about me cause I keep it in, I still love them. Even when they say things are my fault, I still love and care and take the blame. I still love them cause they're my friends. ;) 

OMAIGAWD. I need to stop talking. Hahaha thank goodness no one reads this. Yet. =X 

To those who read this, I am not a sad person. I'm not pitiful. Lol. I'm perfectly fine and I am enjoying life kayy? =) 

Toodles! xD

Jessica.

Ego's.

Haha

Proud of Myself. =P

Finals are OVER! Omaigawsh. I don't even know how to predict my results. I'm so worried in a weird way. I just don't like to see myself with bad marks. Blame my ego. xP

On the other hand, our librarian farewell party was a HUGE success. BY success I mean not have any panic whatsoever or rather, hectic shoutings. Haha, deco was up in two days. Food was handled nicely. Quantity was awesome and crowd support was also AWESOME. Even if I know that I won't have my fellow librarians reading this, I'd just like to express how awesome grateful I am to those who really did their jobs and not cause problems. 

ON THE OTHER HAND, for those who didn't help out and contribute as MUCH as the others, I will make sure you WILL during Nina and my reign over the library. >=D 

Well, good things were happening until a certain part of the night. That probably explains why I ain't sleeping now but blogging. I need some stress relief yo! xD

I'm not going to state any names, or faults as I have never thought of blaming or being mad at someone. I am merely trying to UNDERSTAND people. So just get that in your head before you judge me kay?

It's funny how people can be reminded about something so precious over tiny, little things. Sometimes, it doesn't really give us as much impact but most of the time, when we're having a hard time, it gives us an impact as if there was a nuclear war going on. 

I myself haven't gotten over some things and believe me, in terms of relationships, IT IS NOT EASY AT ALL. Most people CLAIM to be over it, but you will never know for sure. Sometimes, they hide it so well that you think that whatever you say will not possibly affect them in any way. 

I can relate to that. I know how it's like to be reminded of HIM from so many little things. Sometimes, people avoid encountering that part that reminds them of that HIM or HER. I avoid them too. Well, try. I  avoid eating banana cakes, and magic shows, and I barely think about bass players. Because it's all related to HIM. Because when I encounter them, I feel as if I did so many things that caused all the mishap. Even if I don't know what it was. 

But when I do encounter them, I try to enjoy it and hold it in. Leave the memories for when I'm alone. For those who don't have people to relate to, it's Hard. They don't know what to do. Because no matter what they try, it doesn't work. Countless times, they've told themselves, "Don't think. Don't think. Forget it." it doesn't work. 

I know because I've tried. So, to get rid of it all, we put on a mask. In front of everybody. We try to show that we're alright. Hoping we are. But when that little things, signals us about everything else, we know we're not okay. But to hide it all, we go alone. 

Everyone is different. Everyone is uniquely special. Everyone has a different thing to remind them of different things. When it's the first time, it's hard to get over it. It takes more time than usual. When someone passes away, we cry, we grieve but we get over it somehow. "Theory" is that because we know that no matter what we do, they're gone from the world. On the other hand, if it's a relationship, it's harder because we know the person still exists and that little part of us inside just doesn't want to give up. 

Most of us get over it. But that little stubborn part still remains. It's either we manage to learn how to handle it in a shorter time or a longer time. That's all. But it's hard because, humans don't understand humans. Not fully anyway. It's either something hurts or something beneficial. There is always something we don't know and understand. 

Yes, I may be getting hypocritical but I know how it feels like to think that you've gotten over something but the truth is that you're not and you still cry alone in your room thinking. I know how it feels like to get hurt but not tell anyone because it may affect everything else. I know how it feels like to be felt rejected but you may never know. I know... and my goal is that I want to help others get through things they find hard. It may take a long time, but if they have the will and hope to, I will help. =) 

AMAGAT. SO LONG. LOL But it is a stress relief, so yeah. Anyways. I'm going to bed. After I go to Twitter. 8D Nights. 

Jessica.

WHALE!

Whale!! 8D 

Omgosh, I can finally blog with my phone. It's been ages since I managed to blog.

Just had Chemistry tuition. Waiting for my dad to pick me up.

It's exam week(s). It's a full dreaded two weeks. Thankfully we're in the second week now. But we just had our Additional Math paper and believe me. I DIED. Ugh. =\ never felt so much like crying after a paper.

Chemistry's tomorrow. Another paper to dread. Honestly, why is it hard for me to comprehend chemical reactions? I need to work on my logic.

Oh wells, I think my dad's here. I'll be off now. THANK YOU BLOGGER FOR HAVING A VERSION FOR IPHONE! XD

Toodles. (Sad that I can't edit fonts or anything)

You know how much I love your piano playing? That's one thing I never want to be better than you. It's something I think every man should have. Piano or music skills. :)

Lessons

Back to school we go ;)

Heyy guys, sorry about Day 9&10. I was suppose to blog but my wifi seem to have hated my computer during those two days. Probably telling me to finish up my homework. xP

Regarding school, (not that I'm complaining) every wondered why teachers have such bad impressions on you? Moodswings, comments, even sometimes, their words tend to discourage you so much that you just feel like giving up?

Why do they get so mad? Why do they compare? What did we do?

Well, the answer is simple. We didn't meet their expectations. Their impression on us wasn't bad at first, but it slowly developed into that bad way that we just never understood. It's just like us, losing our temper. 

But ever wonder WHAT exactly they expect out of you? Even I don't know. Sometimes, I can get so mad at my teachers for always giving the comparison statement. Yes, we ALL dislike being compared. Some with siblings dislike it even more. But at the end of the day, everyone compares. 

Whenever someone gets mad or upset at me, I try to think, what caused them that way. What did I do to cause it? I try to understand them. Maybe a bad day? Or a tragedy happened? 

And when I actually figure it out, I managed to know, and to avoid it ever so happening again. And understanding them made the bond grow. After a fight, we make up, understand each other and forgive. 

Now here's another question: 

Why is it that so many of us, manage to forgive our family members and friends so easily, but find it so hard to forgive people who are not close to us? Instead, we have bad impressions?

I obviously don't know the exact answer but, to me, it's because we make an effort to understand our friends and family's behaviour and moods but we don't even try to bother about people who aren't close to us.

I am hypocritical because even I sometimes don't try to understand those who I don't want to understand. But as I grow, I learn that it is important, to learn, to forgive, and to understand. That way, we get used to the people around us. We know what they actually go through, and we know why, they act that certain way. 

And it's also easier to move forward. Knowing what sort of people are out there, what they want to see, what they want to hear, it's easy for us to get along. Without neglecting ourselves, we can find people who can be our best friends, soulmates, and even friends who you can count on. 

I TRY to understand people, I TRY to ask. Even when sometimes I don't, doesn't mean I don't want to try. People assume. I assume. You assume. But in truth. It's bad to assume. 

Because it makes an ass out of you(u) and me. 

I know I may be exaggerating, I know I may be saying what I might not do. But I will give an effort. And inside of me, I know this is how I feel. 

Bai. xD

Jessica. 

<3

Love, Love, Love

the things I love to do the most =)

Day 8

Already 8 days, 2 more to 10. Then it's the end of the holidays. For now. I still haven't completed my assignments. Determined to finish it tomorrow. I know I will. Where there's a will there's a way right? Anyways, kinda determined on making a cover too...

I really don't know what to say, you're coming back tomorrow.. Excited but don't know what to expect. Sleep early or wait till late night till you call me.. I don't know really.. I've been thinking so much this few days that right now I don't know what to think at all...

I don't know, sometimes when I think too much, I end up crying myself to sleep. It's funny how much my brain can function at doing these things but never did get to absorb much studies. My mom just told me of a philosophy saying that "once we start something, make sure we finish it, otherwise it's a step to failure." and "be sure to be ready before starting something." 

Which makes me think, am I ready for all that's going to come in the future? Am I willing to take it head on and stay strong to make sure I'll make it? 

The problem is that, we DON'T KNOW what's going to come at us. We DON'T KNOW what fate is going to throw at us. We DON'T KNOW what God has in store for us. 

The moment we KNOW, there's no need for anymore bravery because we will figure out how to avoid it. 

You know what? I'm not gonna blab anymore. Nights. 

Jessica.

<3

Something is wrong and I need to know what. 

1st September 2011, 21:39

Oh yeah, dessert. ;)

Day 7 

Starting to do homework now... bad.. LOL Holidays are ending... but homeworks aren't completely done yet. Still need to take a picture with my mom for my moral project. UGH. Honestly, why do we need so many projects? It's bound to get recycled. -.-

Went swimming again today. Feel better cause I didn't get as tired as I did on Tuesday. Hmm, should make this a weekly thing. Train my stamina. Haha And you don't fall down while swimming. If you do, then you're.. weird. Haha You can hit your head but falling down is probably when you're drowning. Haha

Feels like eating dessert. Pastries actually. Hmm... need more sugar. Kept away from stuff I shouldn't eat for quite a long time already. Controlled my diet during the holidays.. Rashes are rarely appearing already. Does this mean I need to do this for the rest of my life? -.- That's torturous. 

Getting fatter. I got heavier. I don't feel good at all. Starting to exercise. Hopefully I can get the fats out of me. Started dancing again. Feels good to move my body. Same goes for swimming. 

Hmm, the day you'll be coming back is getting closer.... HURRY UP LA. LOL xD

Anyways, off to do homework now~ BAIBAI. XD

Jessica. 

<3

No, I am not delusional. I just happened to talk to myself today. :D